I will be the first to admit I wish I could have a pain free life without trials. We all see the darling happy families on Facebook and most of us love to see those happy faces, after all who wants to hear about sadness, loss, a Wayward child or depression. The only problem is Facebook is a fantasy and facade. For instance if I only posted the above photo you would not believe what I am about to share and would compare yourself to what you think is my reality. We choose to show our highlight reel and not what is behind the curtain. Most of us can admit that we have pain in our lives but it takes a lot of strength to be genuine. The more I get to know people on a more authentic level the more I realize we all are a big mess doing the best we can. I never want people to think I have it all together because although I certainly give an effort I'm challenged daily with mixed results (: The last couple months have been very difficult for us. Right after Halloween Drew started getting really sick. His medicine just stopped working and he was going down quickly. This is a difficult journey with having a child with a chronic illness, some may handle it better some maybe worse but however you handle it flat out stinks. Drew is so brave in this picture because he is scared, however he knows he must face this battle. It's hard to explain but as a mother for some reason I thought I could protect my kids from the bad stuff and some I can but a lot is not granted to me. I choose to remain positive knowing that my attitude will have consequences on my children. I am positively optimistic that we are on a better medicine at this point. I have had many sad days but I also have many good moments and I never want to allow this to take over our family and steal our joy.
Here is my happy boy after four miserable painful shots of Humira. I had to be the strong one and learn to give him the shots myself. Can I be real, is was one of the worst things ever for me but also one of the best. I knew as the pain came this was a chance as his mother that I could take away his pain and help him. So as bad as this was their is a positive and I need to stay focused on our goal. Drew you are amazing, I promise I will always be there for you!!
See that guy^ He is a hard worker but also a ball of stress. Some of it I blame on myself after all your children become who you are. He wants to do well in school and puts a lot of pressure on himself. Some days all is well the next day we have tears of frustration. Some morning are bad, really bad after all this kid stays up till midnight and that can only last a few nights. Some of it is maturing and time management that he needs to learn. Add on top of this being in Jr. High and the big change happening. I am feeding as much wisdom into him as I can. Some people are jerks some are not, some people are fair and kind others not, choose wisely. I'm teaching him the things he can control are his actions, effort and attitude in life. We are getting there Jaden, You are on your way. He just took the ACT last Saturday and he's only in the 7th grade, amazing yes but does it define him, no. It's a challenge and experience but self worth is not all school. I'm balancing a hard beam right now and I'm doing my best to teach him that being a well rounded positive person will do more wonders then many other things. I can hear myself like a broken record..Don't fall under the pressure of the worlds standards of who you should be but trusting in who God made you. As I dropped him off one day this week he was in tears and I was too as I pulled away. I want my son to be happy and not feel stressed but he needs to feel this pain and handle it. As I pulled in my driveway God spoke to me through the radio. I heard a John Maxwell analogy and it confirmed what I already knew to be true What a way to think about life in all you do such wise words!!
But for Love of God Jaden, please don't do this again!!! Okay I had two days but we made the boat happen.
This morning it was all good, everyone is happy again
Miss Lauren looking all happy! Now that I shared a story behind the other two how could God not humor me by not adding her story this week. Last night as I was gently stroking her hair at bedtime I thought to myself her hair looks so thin on top. Did I damage it with a very tight pony tail? In true woman fashion my mind starts to wonder even deeper is this a disease of the scalp I thought? Next as I take out her top hair tie more hair falls out, Oh my gosh!!! Next it was like something from a funny movie but not funny to the person in the movie if you know what I mean... a huge chunk of hair is now in my hand! At that point I knew we had a infraction with I dare say scissors. The truth came out, why yes she got bored in math class after they were done with their work so she sat at her desk and did a little trim. I can't say I was Mary Poppins at this moment. After it sunk in I knew she knew that she made a mistake, so headbands for life!! I am hoping that once the hair on top grows in I can gel it back a bit. As I told her teacher I had tears start to come to my eyes this morning. She being an African American told me it's not so bad and gave me a hug. A few friends also shared this is common in girls and she probably didn't realize how much she cut. It will grow back but it will take a while. I must just document this right of passage and laugh at this point.
I wanted to blog about theses events because I think they are important to remember. Going through each one brought me challenges and emotions but they are also making me stronger. I want my blog to be a true reflection of my life and a memory for my children. I want them to see how far they have come. By seeing growth and challenges as not the end of the world but how we dealt with them. I need to let them fail!! I hate even saying this, but I am learning that I can't rescue them all the time and they have to learn from mistakes. They will grow when adversity comes, everyone likes a Rocky story I suppose. It is true... beautiful people just don't happen, it's through lots of sadness, tears, and pain that makes your heart become Christ like with a new perspective. It's my job to direct them but not live their life or control their situations. I need to really work on this as I am a recovering helicopter mom with a tendency to think I have a magic wand. I want them to learn through pain you can still have joy and I hope they see that through my life. I love you my sweet children, no matter what you do or who you become I will love you!!