I have been saving this post for a while. You know how sometimes you just don't have words to describe how you feel? I feel like my life has been a ferris wheel for the last 6 months of so. Ferris wheels are kind of unsettling because you never really feel safe until you get off. Sometimes you go up and you get stuck, sometimes you go so fast you feel like your going to puke, and sometimes you go up and enjoy the view but the ride never seems to end. When you first get on you know the big hill is coming and you really can't see below but your trusting that the ride will eventually end. That is kind of where God has taken me with trusting him. You can't always see him or feel him but you have to have faith and trust in His plans.
We sold our house in Columbus about a year ago and we were set for a new adventure. Rob had a promising new job that we thought was God sent since it came to us. We were feeling blessed and excited. Very quickly after moving here Rob's job got very shady. There were some things that were just not adding up and we felt we made a terrible mistake. For months after this it caused us great stress and anxiety. I felt bad for my husband that he had to do a job that he hated to provide for his family. Things went from bad to worse and in September the company restructured their whole organization (not that there was any structure from day one) and they eliminated a whole group of people. My husband was one of them. Rob was actually relieved but it was a huge scary reality to both of us. Rob is the model employee and this was not his fault at all. It was a very humbling but we knew that we would be okay. Along with this news in the spring we were hit with Drew's stomach problems that landed him in the hospital and our house issues including surprise repairs that were very costly. It has been so overwhelming that I have cried a thousand tears and wondered if God still loved me. I know this sounds ridiculous to ask if God really loves me but when you feel like your on the out of control ferris wheel of doom it fells that way at times. I know so many people have much worse things but when your going through multiple things at once it is crippling. I write my blog out of honesty and reflection of my life. I wish life was good all the time but I want to write the truth and share the wisdom I learn along the way. If we are all honest life is not pretty and some people are better then others at pretending that theirs is more perfect then the next. Through these last few months I have learned to dance in the storm and not to be controlled by my circumstances. None of these trials have been fun but I can see God using them. I really am thankful for friends that pray and care for my family especially my best friend Jackie who has cheered me on countless times. My mom has been a great support for me during this time when all I could do was cry and share my pain. She is such a special person, she brings a calm that takes my fears away. Lastly I am so proud of my husband and how he worked on getting a new job immediately and relentlessly. A few weeks ago he had four jobs to pick from. Some of them required moving again and we made the decision to stay her at this time which just feels right. God has taught us so much through this and we can finally get off the ferris wheel. God has provided our needs like I have never seen. Not only did Rob find a great job he found a job with fabulous health benefits, not much travel at all, and so much less stress. Our house is great now and we have almost everything done, and Drew just went to the Dr. and is doing fabulous. I just want to give anyone reading this hope that trials and stress don't last forever and God does not leave you. He finds a way to make all things right and even better then you ever though. It may never be perfect and if you wait for perfect life will pass you by. You truly do have to dance in the storms of life. I think I have finally learned that God is in control of everything and I am not. I know that God never wants to hurt me but there are times in life that come to shape you to change you and to grow you.
Thank you God for never giving up on me even when I questioned you and thought I knew better then your plan for my life. I may not always be grateful for the the storms but I am trying to honor you and give thanks in all the good things you have blessed me with.